Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
