We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
