So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
