You can't special order awesome
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
