Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
