I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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