update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
