PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
