Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
