Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
