I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
