Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
