I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
