My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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