My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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