I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
