Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Best friends brother. Beat that.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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