Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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