just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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