If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
