Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
