Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
