Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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