I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
