Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
