It was confusing and full of hummus
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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