There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
