No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
