I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
