i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
