if you like me you must not know who I am
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
