what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
