Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
