Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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