i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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