My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
