Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
