so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
home. puking in laundry basket.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
