Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
