The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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