see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She's the barista slut.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
