I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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