I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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