Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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