I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Come share oat with me in your robe
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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