Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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