I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Screwed.edu
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
