3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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