You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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