Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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