Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
