Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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